Friday, January 9, 2009

Love of a Sister

the indian woman is
a tormented soul
weeping secret tears
ink that writes lines
of anguish all over
her countenance

her large, sharp and slit eyes
pour longingly into the
the jasmine she strings
everyday for hours
in india street

pure, white, dainty
a softness and scent
that two days from now
will be nothing more than
a dehydrated mess
a mere sore to the eyes

a transience fills the gap
between the flowers
a string of luxury that helps
her to keep a sister close
to her hands, her heart

first jasmine, a sister's
smile, second jasmine,
a sister's promises,
third jasmine, another
sister's smile, fourth
jasmine ...every gap
she feels a quivering loss,
a love her fingers will no
more grasp and a sister
her eyes will no more hold

john tiong chunghoo

Criticism from ticket to write yahoo group:
John: This poem does create an essence of pain intertwined with the a fleeting beauty of the jasmine flower. This dictomy wrenchingly portrays the heaviness of death. Remembering her sister, the fantasy of the jasmine petals being a continual reminder of her sister and their life together, day after day. The stark reality of not having her sister with her conveys to me that the sister is just beginning to feel the impact of her sister's death. I also like the way you have constructed the poem visually, similar to Haiku poems. How beautiful and clean. Distinctive and precise you captured the feeling of this photomontage moment of quiet reflection. JJ
John - This poem you posted is beautiful. I appreciate how you bring us into the grief of this woman for the loss of her sister You do not show us some maudlin sentimentality, but the simple and utterly moving remembrances, images, that the woman has, interspersed with the gaps, the losses, the little losses that add up to the big loss. All this in the simple stringing of flowers. I'll stop there, because the retelling is always a feeble pretender to the actual work. Thank you for posting this powerful work. Rod aka albi
Tsira Gogeshvili (4/11/2008 11:10:00 AM) john, 'first jasmine, a sister's smile second jasmine a sister's promise third jasmine, another sister's smile.......Very delightful poems. I see a hand of the master... Thank you, Tsira
Will P. Litter (4/11/2008 10:20:00 AM) This was very pleasant to read :)

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